Am a Mukiga and the following comedy should be read for only laughter reasons:
Written by PABLO!
I was traveling in a taxi recently with my cousin when he received a call from his long lost friend. He was so excited that the Mukiga in him couldn’t hold back. He was so loud that the driver had to park and wait for him to finish receiving the call.
The other passengers started releasing a barrage of words that were anti-Bakiga.
The conductor cemented it by wondering whether we were also created in the same image of God.
Just so you know, we Bakiga were fearfully and wonderfully created.
Fearfully because we don’t have time to gossip – we beat. Actions speak louder than words.
Wonderfully because we speak the truth. A spoon is a spoon not a small spade.
Bakiga are not like other tribes that say Kankomewo, (I will be back shortly), and they don’t come back.
If a mukiga tells you that they are coming back then start preparing food for they live by their word.
If a mukiga tells you nda kwasha for I will beat you, please get on your heels before he finishes saying it.
To set the record straight, Bakiga are not rude or vulgar. They are just putting their language to use.
You will never find parables in Kigezi. They don’t have time to confuse the folk.
They say Bakiga are loud but what do you expect from people born and raised in mountains
where you have to amplify your voice to communicate with someone up the mountain? I
f airtime was charged according to how loud the caller is, Bakiga would be dead broke.
Bakiga are the most romantic people. T
hey don’t waste time wooing and raising false expectations.
They will tell you straight in the face, from the word go, that they love you. If you don’t love them then leave.
If you expect a mukiga to plead with you for a second chance, like Salvado, just know that’s a dream.
That explains why they have the most beautiful spouses.
I keep wondering, up to this day, what magic words Rtd col. Warren B used to sweep Winnie B off her feet.
He has a Don Williams voice when he says, “I love you!”
Most Bakiga are disease resistant. You will hardly hear that there was a disease outbreak in Kigezi.
The kids get one injection their entire lifetime – immunization. You find a five year old with a baritone voice.
You might think there is an adult in the backyard if it wasn’t for the childish conversation.
This is entirely because of a balanced diet. A kid wakes up to fresh potatoes with a mug of bushera.
Three sips and the cup is done. There is no such word like “lack of appetite” in Kigezi.
My cronies used to use cow dung to roast potatoes. I have never eaten potatoes sweeter than those.
We are the most hard working people. That’s why every strong man is referred to as Kyakabale even if he’s a Musoga.
Our ladies are very hardworking too which other tribes misinterpret as being aggressive.
They reason logically. Why buy a bouquet of flowers when that money can equally buy a sack of Irish potatoes?
I admit we love using the word ‘really’, which we generously pronounce as ‘lealy’ but lealy speaking,
what do you want us to use lealy? English must have been brought by monsoon winds lealy.
We are independent minded. You can’t expect a mukiga to be at your beck and call.
That’s why most of the ‘rebel’ MPs are Bakiga. We live a free life. No wonder there is nothing like Kigezi kingdom.
The king would suffer because every Mukiga is a king in their own right.
I salute all Bakiga because the last population census revealed that Bakiga were multiplying at a fast rate.
They are doing this in fulfillment of the scriptures - go multiply and fill the world.
We have the best family planning method.
You can’t get pregnant when you are pregnant.